Tears, jokes & heartache
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Zeng Ge, 47, and Xiao Pan, 27, marry in a bar in Chengdu on January 3. |
Most of the afternoon, the gray-haired mother bows her head, listening intently to the speakers.
Then her husband stands up and tells the meeting their story: how he took their son from their home in Hebei Province to a Tianjin therapist 10 years ago to "cure" him of his homosexuality.
Only after treatment - not before - did their son really begin to exhibit serious mental problems.
Now, at last, she stands.
"We understand his homosexuality can't be changed," says the 70-something woman.
"We should never have done that to him…"
She explodes into tears and weeps uncontrollably.
Until 2001, homosexuality was still classified as a mental illness in China. Zhang Beichuan, a professor at Qingdao University and an expert on homosexuality and HIV/AIDS prevention, estimated the real number of gay people in China as 30 million.
"But the number of parents who accept their children as gay is far, far smaller," says Wu Youjian, 63, mother of a gay son and founder of Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) China.
Eleven people attended her first PFLAG meeting in Guangzhou, capital of Guangdong Province last year.
Today about 100 people including experts, gay men, lesbians and their parents from China, Canada and the US gather in Beijing for the third Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) China meeting.
For many, this will be their first time talking publicly about something so extremely personal.
His mother also took him to see a psychiatrist, says Nelson Chen, 39, founder of the Gay & Lesbian Political Caucus in Taiwan.
"My mom told the psychiatrist that I had some 'problems' such as going to a gay bar and having gay friends," he says, "but the psychiatrist didn't seem surprised.
"He said calmly to my mom 'Madam, you are the one who needs a psychiatrist.'
"Since then, I have recommended all my gay friends' parents see that psychiatrist!"
The crowd laughs.
Many Chinese mainland psychiatrists still subscribe to the old, lucrative opinion that sexual orientation is a matter of choice.
"If he's willing to change," says Zhou Zhengyou, director of the Nanjing Psychological Consultation Center, "I believe therapy will not harm him."
The word "therapy" is not playing well with the audience in this hotel conference room.
"It's like this: You're watching gay porn, feeling good … suddenly they stuff ammonia into your nose," a man whispers to his friend.
They titter.
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