While 2006 may be considered an auspicious year to get married,
it has not been so lucky for those already wed in Shanghai. Couples
across the city have rushed to tie the knot in the past few months
to mark the year of the dog.
While more than 110,000 Shanghai couples married in the first
nine months of this year, 27,000 married couples have parted
through divorce. The number is 20 percent higher than during the
same period last year.
People in Shanghai now live in one of the highest divorce-rate
cities in China. They seem to have abandoned the conventional
mindset of seeing divorce as a taboo, instead viewing it as an
acceptable part of life
Rising trend
"Divorce is everywhere, in offices, in residential communities,
in gatherings of old classmates and friends, and even in public
places like buses you may overhear conversations about it," said
32-year-old Wang Shuwei, who was divorced from his wife last
month.
"When I decided to divorce from my wife, I didn't listen to my
parents and restrain myself. I just did it based on my own
emotional needs," said Wang. "I couldn't put up with my wife after
we were married for four years.
"The love was gone and we seemed to have nothing but complaints
about daily life, there was distrust between each other and endless
quarrels."
Marriage experts say Shanghai residents today show different
attitudes towards marriage than previous generations. "They focus
more on spiritual enjoyment than the material satisfaction," said
Xu Anqi,a marriage expert in Shanghai Academy of Social
Sciences.
Previously, Shanghai locals placed greater emphasis on income,
working conditions and physical appearance than emotional feelings
or love. They were once seen by the rest of the country as people
who were too snobbish on the issue of marriage.
But now the younger generation tends to be able to focus more on
their inner feelings, as the economic conditions for most people in
Shanghai have been greatly improved.
"As the young generation, we regard it as a rather natural thing
to divorce with our spouses if we don't have any love in our daily
life," said Wang. "The rapidly changing society brings a great
challenge to marital stability," said Xu. "A cross-section of
factors keeps driving up the divorce rate."
Last year, 1.78 million couples in China were divorced, 120,000
more than the previous year. Shanghai alone saw about 30,000
divorces, 12 percent up on 2004.
Easier procedures
The length of marriages has become shorter and shorter. The
one-week marriage, one-month marriage and half-year-marriage are
not unusual in Shanghai.
The simplification of divorce procedures is believed to be a
major factor in the rise. In days gone by, those who wanted to get
divorced had to get approval first from their employers. Usually
the employers would persuade them to drop the plans, as divorce was
seen as a disgrace for the whole work unit. Few people could
successfully walk into the divorce office and get a divorce
certificate.
"I originally planned to get divorced from my wife in the 1990s,
but at that time divorce required numerous procedures, which added
great difficulty to ending the relationship," said a man, who asked
not to be named, was married for 20 years, but is now divorced.
"The procedures now are easy, and we ended our marriage in minutes
after we went to the divorce office. I feel finally relieved to end
a marriage that was without love."
Post-marriage blues
A recent survey showed that people aged between 28 and 35
account for one-fifth of all divorced people. They also face the
most volatile marital relationships, and are most susceptible to
divorce.
According to Xu's analysis, young people spend less and less
time getting to know each other before marriage. They tend to
present the best aspect of themselves before their future spouses
and hide the negatives.
"Once married, they feel disappointed to see various kinds of
shortcomings of their spouses, which they were unaware of before
marriage," said Xu. "If they didn't have any babies, it's easier
for young people who usually have no patience to choose
divorce."
Affairs and one-night stands are becoming more common in cities
like Beijing and Shanghai. These unconventional relationships are
seen as greatly changing traditional morality and marital
belief.
The ratio of young people having one-night stands in large
cities in China in recent years has risen in line with the growth
of the Internet, especially virtual chat rooms. A survey showed
that 34.7 percent of one-night stands were cyber-friends and 24.4
percent met first in Internet chat rooms.
With increased mobility, more and more people flood to big
cities such as Shanghai and get married with each other or with
locals. The disparity of family and cultural backgrounds as well as
values can create problems in marriages.
(China Daily October 30, 2006)