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Loving and losing on the weird wide web
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It was a mix of curiosity and boredom that inspired Filipina Pamela Ang to post a personal ad on Shanghaiexpat.com.

Having lived in China for three years, she was getting tired of having friends come and go all the time.

"Most of the e-mails I got were definitely on the weirdo list," says the 27-year-old retail store supervisor, who lived in Xi'an and Shanghai before relocating to Beijing.

The e-mails she received came on too hard and heavy, smacked of desperation or were overt pleas for sex - that is, except for a "nice, funny and casual" e-mail from an Australian man.

At first, her culturally conservative upbringing made her hesitate.

"But something in me said, 'What the heck, it's only a message, no big deal. Plus, you're not in the old country anymore; you can bend a few rules, live a little'," she says.

"And responding to, and meeting up with, the guy turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life."

It was the beginning of a "beautiful" 10-month relationship that recently ended because his company sent him home.

"We tried to long-distance it, but it's one of those things that didn't quite work out. Nevertheless, it remains one of those special memories that you look back on with a big smile and say, 'I'm glad that happened'," she says.

Ang, who has lived in the country for three years, says she is more likely to try Internet dating, which is often frowned upon in her homeland as either "desperate" or "cheap", in China than in the Philippines.

She had tried it once in Manila on a dare from a cousin but recalls it was a "lousy experience".

"Coming from a conservative culture, I think some of us would be more open to exploring Internet dating outside of our home countries."

Canadian Frank Riganelli, who has worked for language-training companies in Hubei and Beijing for four years, says he never tried Internet dating before coming to China. But he gave it a go because it was more popular in his host country.

"(There are) more people, more Internet ads, more chances to meet someone," he says.

"I don't speak so much Mandarin, which limits my ability to speak to many people here and makes the option of using the Internet more attractive."

But Riganelli says that after about a dozen dates, he has found most people he met online disappointing. Some wanted to get very serious on the first date, some just wanted to practice their English and others wanted money at the end of the night.

"I did have two experiences in which a different person showed up than (the person) who was in the picture on the Internet. They were very relaxed about saying that it was in fact their picture on the Net, when it clearly was different," he says.

"Based on my experiences I would have to say that the chances are slim for me to meet someone online and hit it off."

But American Aaron Jacobson says he doesn't care if he develops a rapport with any of his Internet dates.

"If we have a good time, that's great. If not, it's just another experience," the 24-year-old, who has lived in China for four years, says.

"While many people cruise language-exchange classifieds with the secret intention of finding a romantic partner, I cruise singles ads looking for language partners I don't know why, but it's more fun that way."

However, most of his dates have been "dismal stories", and he believes his chances of finding true love are better offline.

"Still, you never know," he says. "At worst, I get to practice my Mandarin."

Ang believes the key to Internet dating is approaching it casually without expecting to find an instant spouse at the click of a mouse.

"It's a great activity, especially for folks who are new to the city and don't know too many people," she says.

"Hopefully, you get to spend some down time with an interesting new friend, and once in a while, miracles do happen. I had one happen to me."

(China Daily February 16, 2009)

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