Pushing kids to success can blur into abuse
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[By Liu Rui/Global Times] |
"My child is not intelligent." I cringe when I hear Chinese parents insult their kids with such degrading words. Children study till late at night, but it's never enough.
Asian students, even in the US, score higher on exams. It's hard for Americans to understand a culture where parents push so hard, and kids, even in college, are so bent on pleasing Mom and Dad.
To the outsider, Confucian may spell confusion. Filial piety, the first virtue in Chinese culture, is so foreign to us.
But my kid's mom is Chinese. She's a great mom, and I'm glad our kids appreciate both cultures. I've heard horror stories of cross-cultural couples fiercely fighting over how to raise kids. Thankfully, it hasn't been a major issue for us.
I don't mean there's no conflict, but having two cultures helps us strike a balance. We've seen positive and negative aspects of both Chinese and Western parenting techniques. We hope this balance will successfully drive our kids to achieve their dreams.
Right now our 3-year-old son is torn between three future careers. He wants to be a pilot, an American football player, and a firefighter. Sure, we'll expect him to study hard, but whatever is future dream, we'll support him.
Like most Chinese kids, our daughter takes some extracurricular classes. But they are things she's interested in: piano, dance and art. We closely supervise her daily piano practice time, and sometimes have to push a little. But if she never becomes a female Beethoven, it's OK.
She studies Putonghua at home with her Chinese grandma and she reads English almost daily. But she doesn't spend her weekends and holidays attending endless classes. We work some with her on math, and I help with her first grade homework most evenings. On the way to school, her mom reviews homework, including Chinese.
Granted, we push harder than most American parents, but she's a kid. I just don't have the heart to smother her entire childhood with schoolwork.
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