Divorce not destiny of marriage
- By Gao ZhuYuan
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China Daily, August 5, 2011
Society has become more open toward divorce, Luo says. After the State Council, China's Cabinet, issued a regulation in 2003 simplifying divorce procedures, the number of divorces increased from 1.18 million in 2002 to 1.33 million in 2003 to 1.67 million in 2004 to 2.68 million last year.
Besides, the divorce-marriage ratio is likely to increase and more marriages are likely to end in divorce because people have become more socially mobile, both geographically and occupationally, and society has become more tolerant toward divorce and live-in couples, Luo says.
Irrespective of whether the two measures of divorce rates accurately reflect China's divorce trend or not, the number of divorces has more than doubled in the past eight years, and the three scholars agree that instead of amplifying the indicators of the divorce rate, society should take measures that would prevent couples, especially the single-children generation, from veering toward divorce.
Many overseas families, too, have single children, and they became used to the trend only after several generations, Chen Xiaomin says.
Chinese families used to have several children. Many stopped having more than one only in the 1980s because of the family planning policy. Single-children have very close ties with their parents, both materially and psychologically, and their bond remains strong even after they get married. In many cases, parents pay for the housing of young couples, too. But, Chen Xiaomin says, the strong bond between parents and children can weaken young couples' conjugal relationship.
Such situations can be tricky, akin to damned if you do, damned if you don't. Perhaps education about marriage and counseling would be of help.
Luo says marriage education and counseling can be divided into premarital and post-marital phases, and school is the best place to start the process. Senior high school students in Taiwan have to meet the requirements for premarital education, including how to get along with the opposite sex and how to shoulder responsibilities. But the process is not part of the Chinese mainland school curricula.
Marital education can be promoted in many ways, including education programs through multimedia and marriage consultancy. Marriage consultants should receive proper training, and consultancy institutes have to be set up across the country, including the community level.
But marriage consultancy is still an emerging sector in the mainland and most people cannot afford it, Luo says. So even if a couple insists on getting divorce, the procedure should entail a mandatory cooling-off period for husband and wife to reflect.
Such measures should be taken sooner than later and the media should stop painting a gloomy picture of marriage. Hopefully, the younger generation will return to tradition, because traditional Chinese culture seems to have retained its vitality in school education.
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